ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
it was like eating out sand paper
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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