im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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