I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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