And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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