Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
only if we run a train.
done.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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