I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
