I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
