i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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