so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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