$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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