i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
