I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
