If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
