New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize