Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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