Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
