The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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