I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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