He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
