I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
