I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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