Duck Duck Cougar?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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