oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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