i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
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Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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