Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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