I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
