thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
