We won't sleep together?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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