Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
