even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
