She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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