we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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