he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
