well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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