My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
