If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
