We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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