You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
