Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
