i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
