90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
