Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
