He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
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He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
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In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.