If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
