How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.