she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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