An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.