i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops