My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in