I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
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He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
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Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.