either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Randomize
