Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
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Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
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Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router