I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
