I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
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You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
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Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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