so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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