Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
