after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
