I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
