My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
