I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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