and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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