i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
