I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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