My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
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Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
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Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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