That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
im holly from the hills drunk
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
