Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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