too bad you live with your parents still
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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