I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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