i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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