P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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