how can u be prego again
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
