I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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