bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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